Christmas Day, Dec. 25, 1913

Thurs. December 25, 1913 [written on Dec. 28th]

Merry Xmas! Oh what a mockery what a vain saying for down my pallid cheeks have flown tears of biter fatigue. Life little diary is just one thing after another. Mamma and Aunt Emma, Gene, and I all went to Otsego on the train (strange but true that we went on the train though it went so slowly that I was tempted at times to get off and coax it on a bit) When we arrived Ardith and Wallace and Rev. Johns two little girls (for Edna entertained the “ministers folks”) were impatiently awaiting us in order to have the Xmas tree. It was a beautiful tree and the little folks were so happy somehow its so lovely to watch them that its half or more of my Xmas joy   I’m going to try and always have a child with me on Xmas day even if I have to rent one. Wallace had so many toys and was so blissfully happy that he even tried to bug things along in his mouth when both hands were full. Ardith got a baby doll that cries most naturally so that she was supremely happy  Edna had made a complet[sic] wardrobe for it and it was certainly cunning  There were twelve of us there to dinner counting Wallace and such a dinner! Only I felt so miserable that I could not eat much. And after dinner I just had to go up stairs and lie down. Just think of me acting like a “punnie”  Oh I don’t know what. Well I rattled and bumped around in a “bus” all alone up to the depot and got home   somehow the folks wanted to leave the undoing of our home presents until tomorrow but I had kind of a feeling I wasn’t going to feel anymore like it the next day so I said lets do it now  well I got beautiful presents but the things that pleased me most were a beautiful watch for my gold medal from papa and mamma  a lovely long pair of white kid gloves from Aunt Emma and Gene and a great student electric lamp from Edna and James. I got lots of other things including a fine “K” pillow from Helen and a beautiful pearl and gold pair of opera glasses from Ralph  that boy shouldn’t do it especially when he knows I don’t love him  Then I got handkerchiefs and candy and music etc. but I was to tired and sick to look at them much so went to bed. In the morning I got up and felt miserable I looked into my throat and it was swollen awfully with pear shaped white things on it   ooh it was awful   I came downstairs looked at Mamma and Aunt Emma told them to see my throat. They looked into my throat then I took hold of mamma   things began to get black and suddenly I felt oh so good and had hazy feelings going through me it was most enjoyable, then I looked around and found myself stretched out on the floor with Aunt Emma and Mamma both over me Aunt Emma with water and I heard her tell Mamma to be brave. It seemed so queer, they helped me into bed and said I had feinted[sic]. It’s the 1st time I ever did such a thing in my life  I always had kind of or secret hankering to know how it felt though I never wanted to feint[sic]. It seems such a weak foolish thing to do. But think of me feinting[sic]. I think its disgusting.

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